Today was the annual Springstone Easter egg hunt, and I volunteered to help out, both for Adelaida's classroom and the babies' classroom. Adelaida's class did their hunt first, and being there afforded me a rare glimpse into Adelaida's life at school.
I generally see only the drop-off and pick-up times at school, which I'm sure are not representative of Adelaida's whole day. When I drop her off in the mornings, she occasionally wants her teacher to hold her but more often stands in the room, quiet, watching the other kids but not participating. By the time I pick her up, she is happy, talkative, playing with other kids, and very excited to see me. Today, I saw her in the middle of the day and realized that preschool classrooms have group dynamics very much like classrooms of older kids: the smart, popular kids, the athletic kids, the rough and rowdy kids, the class clowns, and the loners.
You know the kind of awkward kid who doesn't quite fit in? the one that the other kids don't dislike, but who is never chosen first (or second, or even third) for any group activities? the one that the other kids pity? Imagine a school teacher walking up to the beautiful, smart, nice, athletic, popular child and whispering "Polly, be a nice girl and go play with poor Suzie, please. She needs a friend to help her with this project." And nice Polly walks up to poor Suzie, puts her arm around her, and says "Suzie, I'll help you work on this project." Poor Suzie just nods, accepting Polly's help without any comment or question.
I realized today that Adelaida is that kid. The other kids in the classroom almost seem to pity her.
Now, I realize that Adelaida just turned three a few months ago, and the classroom is three- to five-year-olds, so she is one of the youngest kids in the class. Also, she is small for her age, so she is by far the smallest kid in the classroom. A lot of the older/bigger kids have younger siblings and they treat Adelaida the same way they treat their younger siblings at home (and the way Adelaida treats her younger siblings): Adelaida is seen as small and fragile, so the other kids are gentle with her, they take care of her, and they do things for her. But she isn't really one of their group.
The Easter egg hunt was outside on the playground. Forty kids lined up along the side of the building, holding their Easter egg bags. (Adelaida is the one in the yellow dress, with the back of her dress tucked into her panties. Poor kid.)
The teacher said "go find some Easter eggs!" Ten kids took off running onto the playground, twenty-nine kids started walking onto the playground, and Adelaida just stood there, watching everyone ... then eventually followed her classmates.
The kids filled their sacks with Easter eggs as Adelaida watched them ...
... and Adelaida climbed up on the playground equipment to play. Notice the flat purple Easter egg bag beneath her? It's empty. No eggs yet. She's just swinging and swinging, and really enjoying herself.
Kids everywhere, with bags full of eggs, and very few eggs left on the ground.
Adelaida looks in her Easter egg bag and tells me it is empty. She is not unhappy or concerned about the fact that it is empty; this is just a statement: "my Easter egg bag is empty." I ask her if she'd like to find some Easter eggs to put in her bag and she says yes and walks off to find some eggs.
Deciding that there are no more eggs to find, several of the kids sit down to examine their loot.
Minh and Shreya look at their eggs and watch the other kids running around.
Alessandra (wearing a white shirt and red pants) walks up to Adelaida and asks her how many eggs she got. Adelaida replies that she didn't get any eggs; her bag is empty. Alessandra very gently takes Adelaida by the hand and they walk away. As they leave, I see Alessandra put her arm around Adelaida, lean down and say, "it's all right. I'll help you find some Easter eggs." Adelaida very compliantly lets Alessandra lead her through the playground looking for eggs, and some of the other kids soon join them, all trying to find an Easter egg for Adelaida.
Eventually Adelaida, Alessandra, and their followers return. Alessandra walks up to Ms. Aide and tells her "Adelaida didn't get any eggs!" Ms. Aide says that's OK, when they get back to the classroom they are going to share the eggs that they found. Alessandra walks back to Adelaida, reaches into her own bag, pulls out an egg, and places it in Adelaida's Easter egg bag.
Adelaida pulls the eggs out and shows it to me triumphantly, "Look Momma! I found an Easter egg!"
She is so excited, she comes running to me -- "Look Momma! A pink egg! I just found it!" "Where did you find it, Adelaida?" "I just found it in my bag from Alessandra! Look, it's pink!"
I spend a few minutes gushing over Adelaida's pink egg, marveling at her intense joy in finding an Easter egg and silently blessing both Alessandra for being such a good friend to Adelaida and Ms. Aide for creating a kind environment where the kids who find a lot of eggs want to share them with the kids who don't have any eggs.
The Easter egg hunt is over, the kids line up along the building to go back inside, and I go back to work. I spent the rest of the day thinking about my special big girl and her niche in this preschool classroom. She obviously has friends in the class, but seems very content just to play by herself. She was not at all upset when she didn't have any eggs, but overjoyed when she did have one. Her friends in the class coddle her -- I've seen this from several kids other than Alessandra, and Adelaida's teachers have commented on it too -- but Adelaida didn't resist when Alessandra took her hand and led her through the playground. I worry that she wants to play by herself too often, but perhaps that is just a phase she is going through. At this point, she is three years old and doing just fine, so I try not to worry too much!
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